Baby Fever

Husband and I set our best friends up together this past spring. They are getting married this coming May (YEEHAW!!!!), and we couldn't be happier for them. My bestie, who I will call Kindred (because we are Kindred Spirits), was a little nervous about being introduced to Husband's best friend, who we'll call Sprint (he races Sprint cars). And since we introduced them over the phone, long distance, Kindred was a little freaked out about meeting him in person for the first time.

To reassure her, I promised that there was no way that she wouldn't at least like Sprint as a person. He's just too likable. "And besides," I promised with a wink. "He's just your type. I bet your ovaries do a few backflips when you see him for the first time."

Kindred made a shrieking noise when I said this, somewhere between a laugh and a cry of horror. I love when I can make her make this sound. It makes me laugh. But I digress. She assured me that she would inform IF her ovaries leapt when they met, something she was pretty dang sure wouldn't happen. Her ovaries, apparently, are immune to doing backflips when faced with a gorgeous specimen of a man who attracts you and is attracted to you.

But mine weren't.

The whole point of this story is to say that there was a feeling that was very visceral the day I realized that I was A. attracted like crazy to Husband (even though he was simply boyfriend at the time); plus B. was in love with him and he with me; plus C. we wanted to spend our lives together; equals D. I would be having his babies someday.

You do the math!! If that doesn't equal ovary backflips, I don't know what does!!!!!!

So since we got married, I have discovered that the idea of being pregnant and having a baby invades my thoughts WAY MORE than it ever has before. I've always wanted to have children, but they've never really been on my mind so much. And Husband and I are not trying to get knocked up, nor are failing to actively prevent such a thing from happening. On the contrary, we're committed to our birth control until we decide that we're ready to start trying to have a baby. For us, this means we'd like to have a year of married under our belts before we try adding a whole other little person to the mix. For now, the puppy and cats are plenty.

But last night, we visited some dear friends for dinner. Some dear friends who just had a baby at the end of November.

Oh, BABY. 

I snuggled their little boy in my arms last night for an hour, ogling over his precious, tiny fingers and stroking his soft cheeks while he slept, marveling at how noisy newborns are. I haven't spent that much time around newborns, and I always forget how much noise they make. He grunted and sucked on his binky and clasped his little fingers around one of mine and I felt my whole being light up with this glow that can only be described as baby fever.

It''s true. I'll own it. For those moments I cradled that sweet little boy, I wanted one.

I sat and talked to his mama while she fed him, listening to how things are going, how much they love being parents and how indescribable it is. I could see her maternal glow and the depth of love between she and her husband and the intimacy in their little home. And I felt that baby fever roar within me. Sure, they were tired and dealing with all the changes and discomforts of the fact that they had a new baby under their roof. But they were absolutely glowing.

We left the house in a happy haze, Husband teasing me about wanting one. I denied it, of course. Well, I laid claim to wanting one, but not right now. But it's not true. I fell asleep thinking about how incredible of a feeling it will be when we find out we're pregnant for the first time.

Then, I woke up. We were out later than normal for us, and we both awoke a little groggy and disgruntled about going to work. I stepped in front of the mirror to decide what to do with my long red hair and thought, I'm so tired! I looked over at the bed from my bathroom and saw my husband still sprawled there under the covers.

And suddenly I felt a pain. I remembered the look on that baby's mama last night--not the glow part, but the tired part--and thought, Oh, my.

Here I was, feeling groggy and tired because I wasn't under the covers by 9 the night before, when our friends are on a three hour schedule of diaper duty and feedings.

All the heat of baby fever was suddenly gone, and I thought, Maybe I'm not ready to have a baby.

Then Winchester peeked his head around the edge of the doorjamb, one ear up, one ear flipped backward, looking very happy and ready to play.

And, voila!!! Just like that, my baby fever was cured.

For now.